


Japan Invented Lots Of Advanced Technology... and Tentacle Hentai!

by JemJamJammy



Series: Crack!UkUs and other Shenanigans! [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America has seen enough hentai to know where this is going, Aphrodisiacs, Bottoming from the Top, Breaking the Fourth Wall, CRAAACK!, Crack, England has not, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, I didn't know I could write such a monstrosity of writing, I'm Sorry, Japan set this up, M/M, My First Smut, Not I'm Not, Oh My God, Oops, Poor America (Hetalia), Poor Canada (Hetalia), Size Kink, Somehow there's a mommy kink, Tentacles, UKUS, WTF, What Was I Thinking?, at least it's in character, i accidentally deleted all my tags, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:01:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemJamJammy/pseuds/JemJamJammy
Summary: America and England go visit Japan but he doesn't seem to be at his house, so like any good friends do they break inside. Poor, poor Alfred. They get greeted by quite the surprise...
Relationships: America/England (Hetalia)
Series: Crack!UkUs and other Shenanigans! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768300
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	Japan Invented Lots Of Advanced Technology... and Tentacle Hentai!

**Author's Note:**

> I was bored so I'm making a Crack!UkUs series because the amount of UkUs fics vs UsUk fics is very disproportional. Don't take this work seriously, I'm serious. 
> 
> Inspired/Provoked by this older writer americalovesthecockpit but they haven't written since 2016 and that's sad. Whatever I'll just keep making the crack fics. 
> 
> Hell yeah! >:D

Okay so like me, England, and Japan are like, super best buddies dude. We vibe together all the time and do you know, things buddies do! We’re all super close but Japan **FOR SURE** likes me more! When England doesn’t manage to show up me and Japan even watch hentai together… it’s actually pretty disturbing, the stuff that dude has. Like, I don’t think a female can **fit** all of that inside. Not that I don’t know stuff about women! The hero gets laid daily! (Yeah sure)

_That was mean creator lady…_

Anyway, Japan called me and England up and said he had a surprise for me and England both. It kinda sucks that I have to share with him but whatever! I tooootally get a super rad gift dude! I’m not sure England would like any of the cultured things I do though, but if Japan found something we both liked it would finally prove that Bushy Brows has some taste! >:D Hell Yeah! I have no idea how a person could live off of tea and old smelly books but to each their own I guess. :\ 

I was entering the plane now because if you didn’t know Japan lives across the ocean and I can’t exactly drive there, trust me I’ve tried. I didn’t think it was a big deal until the news was all like: “Insane Blonde Man Drives Car Into Ocean!” and I had to call them up and explain that my hair was indeed HONEY and not blonde. What if I was a murderer on the loose, they couldn’t just describe the man as only blonde now could they! They weren’t very happy about the call and just hung up on me; haven’t seen their news since! Anyway back to our main plot, I was heading onto the plane when I was seated next to *gasp* CANADA! I almost sat on him actually but I noticed him at the last second! >:) Like a heroooo! 

“OMG dude HI! What are you doing on a flight to Japan?!” Ha, the poor dude got spooked right out of his seat. Literally, he fell over. Pretty un-herolike if you ask me. 

“A-america, oh um, I was heading over to Japan’s. He said he needed me to help with something. He said it was a surprise for you actually.” Ew dude, why did he stutter. Canada should TOOOOTALLY just be more confident; like me! :}

Ha, that face looks like the grinch! >:}

“OH! Dude if you’re helping make sure to do an extra good job, that gift is for me!”

Canada had a face like this -> :\

And then like this -> >:\

“W-well I don’t HAVE to work hard for YOU! I-I’m just doing it to help Japan out!” Hmm? Did you hear something? Nah, must have been the wind. Anyway, dude picked himself up and we all seated ourselves for the plane ride. It’s gonna be like, maybe 15-ish hours to Japan? (Idk, the author doesn’t want to choose a location to start at so the time for the flight is open for debate. Go comments go!). Long. The flight is gonna be long and boring. I was seriously waiting for the lady with the cart to come by so I could get a coke, not pepsi (they taste the same) because coke is for heroes! Not the drug coke though, the beverage. Don’t do drugs kids. (*the author does not condone children reading this story)

I’m not kidding, if you’re a young one looking for your favorite ship story get out of here! Hetalia is dying anyway and this is not for the eyes of a child! The explicit warning is there for a reason!

She finally came, but I saw the greatest thing ever! She was giving out these cute tiny cherry-blossom pins to the little kids on the plane and I SO TOTALLY WANT ONE TOO! And no, I do not consider it “girly”. It’s pretty and heros can be pretty. So I asked her for what I wanted. 

“Hey! I want the biggest cup of coke you have and can I have one of the pins?” Success.

“Sorry sir, we only have so many pins and there are many children on this flight…” Boo. She then handed me the smallest, tiniest plastic cup I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Curse Japan and their mini-sized everything. Either way she handed me the cup and went on her way, not before handing a cup of coffee to Canada. Forgot he was there. I wanted to cri. How could they NOT give me the cute little pin? :’(

“Hey are you alright?” At least Canada cared. :’)

“WAAAAAH Canada how could they!” I whined. I saw a couple strange looks from other passengers. Mind yo own damn beeswax, I’m upset! >:’|

“A-ah woah uh! Um, Alfred calm down! Please? Was it the pin? Alfie?” Canada tried to hush. I promptly shut up… Alfie was an OLD nickname. I didn’t know I had the memory of that nickname but it distracted me enough to realize I finished my coke. Already. >:|

This flight is a BIT-

______________________________________________________________________________

I was eventually woken up by a strange and hard tapping on the shoulder. As I opened my eyes I realized I had fallen asleep and Canada had been so kind and let me sleep on his shoulder like the hero deserved! 

“Um, Alfred, wake up.” I was awake, I just didn’t get up yet. So I eventually did get up but it was nice leaning up against him, he was warm and smelled like pine and maple syrup. No homo. Anyway, he seemed like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders (pun intended) and sighed as we both then stood up from our spots. We grabbed our luggage and began our journey to Japan’s house. What’s better yet you may ask? Well when we were walking into the actual airport area I spotted those 3 inch eyebrows from across the room!

“Yooo! Britain!” I shouted as I ran up to him. He seemed to wince at the worried stares of strangers my yell had caused.

“Damn it America, you don’t need to shout everything you say.” |||:/ .That was England. Anyway I walked up to him and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had forgotten something. Huh, whatever. Probably wasn’t a main character anyway. 

“So what have you been up to the last time we’ve seen each other?” I asked, good to make small talk as we walked. 

“The usual, reading and paperwork. Although I did manage to make scones for Japan.” Uh oh! Code red!!! How did England even manage to get poison past airport security!? I would NOT allow England to so blatantly poison our friend! I’d make sure to get rid of the scones in some way!

“Are you alright?” Huh? Oh he must have seen the visible **DISTRESS** about his devilish baking. And not a “cool and charming” type of devilish, more like a “you used satan's piss instead of water in this recipe” type of devilish. What did I describe them as in that one episode? Petrified couch stuffing! I don’t know how it could have been a recipe from his mom though, we’re nations, we have no moms. Unless… OH MY GOD! England totally has some secret mommy kink doesn’t he!? I **KNEW** something was up when Frace called him an “erotic ambassador”! He even tried to hide it! I would too if I had such an embarrassing kink but whatever. I glared at him, kinda grossed out that he used his mommy kink in front of me and I failed to notice. It was probably some S&M shit too because those scones are like the ultimate punishment and if England’s “mumsie” made him eat those then I genuinely feel bad for him, even if it is just a kink. He just cocked an eyebrow at me and continued to walk.

“Hey dude, we should just take the same cab! Saves us some money, right?” Haha! The hero finds yet another way to make his life easier. England looked annoyed though, wonder why?

“And how do you expect us to fit ALL of that luggage into the same cab?” He asked in a very sarcastic manner. Rude, I was just trying to help. Meanie! >:[

“Uh, by like, putting it in the trunk dude!” And it was just my luck because I managed to call a cab at the exact moment. “Don’t worry, the hero can 100% fit this all!” Sure I had 3 suitcases but I needed my stuff and I wasn’t going anywhere without it. And yes, 4 bags of twinkies is essential to my international travels. They’re a delicious treat that can’t be beat! Ever, Twinkies 4 life! Anyway, England just handed me his suitcase and I loaded up all our bags in the trunk of the car. And maybe, just maybe, did I have to work kinda hard to fit all of the bags in there...but it’s irrelevant because I managed to close the trunk and I walked over and seated myself next to England. He didn’t seem to be paying much attention to me and he just looked out of the window as the car started moving. This was actually pretty awkward, what were we supposed to say? Were we supposed to say anything? Nah, it’s fine. I was very uncomfortable though, just the thought of England having some S&M momma out there was really creepy. Was that why he was looking out of the window all longingly? EW! This was as gross as his scones. I take that back, the scones are still worse. I’m pretty sure now was time to say something.

“So dude, maybe you shouldn’t give Kiku those scones?”

“Huh?! Why on Earth not?!” Really, was he truly oblivious to how awful they were? OH WAIT! Oh ew he’s been feeding people his kinky mommy scones for how long? How old is this “mommy” of his. I think I’m gonna be sick. 

“Maybe you should keep your little ‘thing’ to yourself is all I’m saying.”

“What the hell are you going on about? My scones are perfectly fine and edible, you just have no taste.” >:0

“Hey! I’m pretty sure YOU’RE the one who can’t appreciate anything!” Seriously, last time England visited me I bought him his own set of fries and burgers and he rejected it! 

“That’s because everything you like is either drowned in grease or utterly useless and childish!” We continued to bicker until the driver seemed scared for his life and dropped us off at Japan’s house. Seriously, is it too much to ask for someone to keep it in their pants? What if he’s put strange things in those scones? Unspeakable things. *Shiver* Yeah, I better find a way to destroy them, and FAST. We were walking up to Kiku’s door already for goodness sake! Me and England make it up to his doorstep and we ring politely, even though I usually just walk on in. England would probably start yelling again if I just walked right on in, even if waiting outside really sucked. The thing is, we waited and we knew Japan’s house is pretty big but he should have opened the door by now. Maybe I should just ring again?

*ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring** ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring*

“For god's sake stop that!” England shouted as he slapped away my hand from the doorbell. 

“Why!? Japan’s not answering! How else are we gonna get his attention!?” 

“Well you can’t just ring the doorbell 100 times! What if you break it!?” Uhhgg. I’m not so unheroic that I’d break something. Silly England. 

“Well how else do you suppose we get inside?” 

“We wait for him to answer his door like normal visitors, America.” :|

This is gonna be a long wait isn’t it?

______________________________________________________________________________

**_Meanwhile…_ **

“Um, why are we sneaking around your own house Japan?” Canada asked as Japan led him through his household, ignoring the consistent string of ringing. 

“You will see, but I need you here in case things go wrong.” 

“W-what?” Just then, Japan opened a door into one of his larger rooms and revealed his “gift” to America and England. 

“Here.” 

“WHAT IS THAT-mmmMMMmm!” Canada shrieked before Japan clamped his hand over his mouth to keep him from speaking.

“Hush. You will notify England and America if you are too loud.” It was hard to be still though because right before Canada’s eyes was something you’d never believe. Eventually he settled and calmed down as Kiku removed his hand shuttering in disgust at the moistness.

“Japan…”

“?”

**“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING AND WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT TO THOSE TWO!!!!!???”**

______________________________________________________________________________

You wanna know how long me and England have been waiting outside this house? 30 minutes. That’s a whole half of an hour! One more wait like this and it’ll be a full hour!! This totally sucks balls! If I had just kept ringing the doorbell then maybe Japan would have been annoyed enough to answer! Damn it England, always doing it the hard way just to be a “gentleman”. Well guess what England, it’s not very gentleman to have a mommy kink now is it! Anyway, we were both sitting and we could hear some movement in the house once in a while but England still insisted that we wait out here and sit. It wasn’t the norm for Japan to just make his guests sit outside with not even a reason why but I guess this had to do with the surprise.

“Duuude I’m gonna ring the doorbell again now!” I yelled, and England couldn’t stop me! >:)

“Don’t you dare! What if he’s busy!” 

“It’s been half an hour! What if something went wrong with the gift!” And just like that England seemed to shut up. Was it something I said? Did I not wear enough deodorant!? The distress on his face prompted no, the hero did not have BO that bad. 

“Oh dear… what if Japan did get hurt…” :’( That would suck, then the present would be delayed. BUT I’M A HERO SO I GOTTA GO SAVE KIKU! 

“DUDE YOU’RE RIGHT! OFF TO SAVE HIM!” I said as I rushed past him and easily broke down the door. 

“America wait! That’s not what I-” Too later Kinky McKinkerson, I’m already too far to hear you! Anyway I was running through the house when I realized this is an old and traditional Japanese house and every hall looks the same and is 201% endless. Anyway I stopped running because we all know what happens when you get lost in a mansion. Oh god I’m totally getting chased by a murder ghost now!!! I was okay at first because I was alone which meant I had time to defend myself but then I heard footsteps behind me. 

“AAAAAHHH! DON’T COME AFTER ME MURDER GHOST!!!” I screamed as I ran down the halls as fast as I could, what’s worse is that I could hear footsteps trailing behind me as I ran. Now don’t think I’m scared! I’m just distracting it while I come up with a plan! Y-yeah! I just had to keep running and then the ghost would just phase away into the afterlife, yeah! Whoo hoo! Plan is going into action. I was running but the feet kept on trailing me! I could even hear it shout once in a while but it’s not like I was gonna listen! No way am I gonna get possessed by demon curses! 

D:<

Anyway I had found a certain set of problems with my original plan. One, the halls end at one point despite how endless they may seem. Two, a person can only sprint for so long okay! And I will admit I’m just a little heavy… but the hero is 100% confident that they still possess the perfect body! Nobody wants a skeleton anyway… oh wait. Nvm some people do. *Bad bad memories* And I-

**OOF**

“For the love of god stop bloody running away!” 0-0 Well this was an interesting dilemma. Looks like it wasn’t a demon and just England running after me, thank go- wait. Oh god! England just tackled me to get me to stop running and well as most fanfictions do they end in a horrible cliche! England was lying on top of me, between my legs, with his arms on either side of my head, and we both happened to be rather sweaty from our run. 

“DUUUDE! Get off! I don’t know where you and your mommy kink have been!” 

“Excuse me!?”

“You heard me, get off!!” 

“No! You’re just going to run off again!” He had a point, but he shouldn’t have pushed me in the first place! >:I 

“I can run off anywhere that I’d lik- wait a minute did you just leave all of our luggage outside?” NO! My precious twinkies! What if someone stole them! They were like edible gold to me! D:<

“Of course not! I brought them in like anyone else would!” Okay, phew! Twinkies are safe and HOLD UP ENGLAND IS STILL ON TOP OF ME! 

“DUDE I DON'T WANNA BE PART OF YOUR LITTLE MOMMY AND BDSM KINK CULT!” He was trying to distract me with his sweat dripping down his face, and his arms unmoving at the sides of my face, and his cold hard alluring stare- UUUUGH he’s working his kinky charm! Not that I think England has charm, it's just him distracting me from my senses! I said that already and this was proof! 

“WHAT IN THE BLOODY FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?” :I Well you’re super kinky fetishes of course. England’s face was at least the color of a magnificent chili pepper and probably just as hot as well, not that I think England is hot. Eventually he sat up, but still on me so I couldn’t get up. “Care to explain America!?” What does he mean, he of all people should know about his own kinky exploration.

“I should ask you that! You said you had a ‘mumsie’ *shiver* and I don’t want anything to do with you and your strange mommy kinks!” 

“W-wha! Did France feed your naive mind some utter rubbish again!? How in the world did you even come up with such a crude assumption!?” 

“Uh, well duh! We don’t have moms and you said that your scones were from your mumsie!”

“That still doesn’t explain anything!!!”

“Well we don’t have moms so of course you have a partner who you call “mommy” because you're a kinky bastard!” We were both probably the shades of peppers now but the difference is mine would be a green pepper because I was going to be ill thinking of England calling some woman “mommy”. Ewie. 

“You twat! For one I’m single, and two I have no interest in a partner of that sort!” 

“Haha you’re single? Loser hahahaha!” 

“Oh for fucks sake!” Wait a minute, _partner of that sort…_ what did he mean by that?

“By ‘that sort’ do you mean mommy and s&m kinks or kinks in general?”

“Wha-neither! Now stop asking questions about it!” Huh? What other kind would there be?

“What do you mean, neither? What else is there to not be interested in?” The impossible had been proven people, England did indeed, get more red. He was also stuttering out words like a child saying their first words too. England is so weird my dudes. :I

“T-t-that!!! You oblivious fool! Let’s just go and find Japan!” Oblivious? The fuck is he talking about, the hero can’t be oblivious! That would be way too silly! I’m not oblivious, England you silly goose! Either way we got up and I decided I was still too worn out from the earlier run to continue the run, so me and England just walked side by side trying to find Japan in his weird maze door house. It was seriously confusing, how could someone make SO MANY doors all look the exact same! I guess what we were looking for was more sound, er- what we were listening for. It was also eerily silent as well because Japan sort of hates most people. So everything was all fine and dandy until we DID hear something. We were walking past one of the larger rooms when a noise broke our awkward silence.

_**CRASH** _

“Uh England, what the fuck was that?” D: It better not be another ghost! 

“I don’t know, maybe it’s Japan?”

 _ **CRASH, SMASH!**_ Nuh-uh. No way Japan would make such a racket. England and I walked up to the door, or doors, whatever, and opened it just a bit. 

…

D:>

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!!! Inside was this huge, gargantuan octopus! It had to be at least 10 feet tall and oh boy was he a beefy one! It’s tentacles were huge and it was very off color as well. It wasn’t red or purple or the cool yellow and blue octopus. This one was a bright neon green and had many more than your conventional eight tentacled. It had the big 8 that were most noticeable as octopus limbs but it had a million other ones that ranged in sizes and thickness all forming from underneath it. It also looked like, really fucking slimey as well. Suddenly, me and England both turn back after we get tapped on the shoulder and who do we see but Japan behind us and- wait, why is he smiling like that? Wait he’s opening the door and OH GOD HE PUSHED ME AND ENGLAND INSIDE WITH THIS CREATURE! 

“JAPAN!” Me and England both shout at the same time before we topple into the room. That maybe wasn’t the best idea because as we fell inside the shout caused the octopus to notice us. It didn’t do anything at first but then we could see all it’s tentacles starting to come at us. England and I jumped up and ran to the door but Japan locked us in! NOOOO! JAPAN WHY! BETRAYAL! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS AND NOW I’M A SNACK FOR YOUR SOON TO BE CALAMARI! WHHHHYYYYY! D: And just like that I felt a slimy limb grab onto my arm. I turned my head to see at least a million more coming my way and England’s too! 

“AH!” I shouted, and it was a heroic shout and NOT some scared schoolgirl shout- wait hold on for just one second! We were at Japan’s, and he said he had a surprise, and OH MY GOD! Japan totally plans on making a hentai with this thing! OH GOD NO! I’ve seen way too many of these and they always end up with the poor girl's mind broken and pregnant! The hero was not meant for that kind of fate! I looked over to England only to see that he wasn’t scared but just looking really grossed out and confused…

“HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM!!!!”

“Huh? Merica it’s just a sea creature-”

“THIS IS JAPAN!! DON’T YOU KNOW WHERE THESE THINGS LEAD!!!!!” Stupid England! And he was calling ME oblivious! 

“No?” AAAAHH! Okay so it just got 100000000 times worse. Now it had dragged us to the base and now all of the other tentacles were around us as well! I could feel their slime under my shirt and just like that it was being ripped right off my body! 

“EEP!” I looked over to England trying to see if he could help but he was just as restrained as I was! The only difference is that they were kind enough to just take off his shirt and not get their slime all over HIS chest! 

>:(

You could see the color drain from his face as his arms are restrained behind his back and I can see a tentacle around his head turning and keeping him in place so he was looking right at me! With my shirt gone it was pretty breezy but then I felt another tentacle writhe it’s way into my pants.

“NO NO NO NO STA-mMMmph!” And just like that I had one of the thicker tentacles glide it’s way into my mouth to keep me quiet. The slime was gross and thick and wasn’t at all pleasant to have down your throat, but it was kinda weird… I suddenly felt hot all over after some of the slime made its way down my throat and the more I swallowed the warmer I got. It wasn’t like a summer type of warm either, it was a slowing kind of warm and I had stopped struggling all together. Suddenly I remembered why! This was some sort of aphrodisiac, but looks like it only works if it’s ingested. I snap back into reality to find myself with the hardest fucking boner to ever exist and England staring me down. They seemed to have gagged him as well but they just held a tentacle over his mouth instead of making him deep throat it like me. This thing really doesn’t like me, does it! England was the kinky one! They should be giving HIM the special treatment. Then as expected, the tentacles remove me and England's lower articles of clothing. And there we were, being tentacle molested and nude in front of each other. We didn’t have socks or shoes on already, this was Japan’s house so no shoes allowed! Why no socks? Because they catch on the tatami. Duh-doy! 

“MMmmmMMhhhh!” England tried to communicate as the tentacles started moving again, this time with more attention to him! I had two large tentacles around my thighs, one around my wait, some keeping my hands bound, and the one gagging me. England on the other hand had some around his ankles and thighs, none around his wait, the one keeping his arms restrained, and the one covering his mouth. Our eyes widened as we saw more tentacles coming from the beast. I realized that the octopus was keeping us both looking at each other's bodies, and while I was completely full tower, England was only half-hard. And wanna know what else!!!! His dick was bigger than mine! 

D:

This day just keeps getting worse, doesn’t it? But seriously, England is fucking packing. Not that I’m looking! It was just hard NOT to look when a 10 foot tall octopus was forcing you to do kinky hentai. England has to be at least 9 inches! Fuck man! It kinda made me feel bad about my slightly above average dick. This had to be a nightmare!!! (You were expecting some unrealistic fanfiction sized dick, weren’t you? Still unrealistic but at least it’s not in the double digits.) Anyway, back to business. Suddenly, a weird different type of tentacle made itself known. It looked like a flower bud at first but then… it opened. It now looked like a bloomed flower now but the insides were textured and slimy! And it latched right onto England’s cock and started sucking! I could tell he got hard instantly, probably by the bush on his face and the way his eyes bulged out of his head in shock. 

“mMMmmm~” I mean, I guess it WAS like a living fleshlight, so I couldn’t blame the guy. Thinking the situation was already pretty bad, I didn’t think it could get worse. I was wrong. Just like that, another tentacle slithered it’s way out but this one made its intentions very clear. At the end was a large needle looking thing and above it was this clear membrane with green liquid inside. Our eyes widened as we knew what was to come. It again went after England and stuck itself right above his groin! 

“MMMMM!” That must have hurt, but the green liquid started to empty itself through the needle and into England’s body. That was already pretty bad but the fact England’s eyes were rolling up into the back of his head made me think that that also has an aphrodisiac effect like the slime. Turns out that’s not all it did though, because when the flowing sucky thing came off his dick it was at least now 14 inches. (There’s your ridiculous sized dick. As fanfiction should be.) England snapped out of it once the stimulation stopped and we both looked down at his cock now. 

0-0

We looked back at each other and wordlessly agreed on a reaction. What the fuck! It was kinda creeping me out! It was so big! Even the veins were bigger and it was visibly throbbing and the tip was leaking SO MUCH! I was hoping that’d end there and then England and I have to jerk off but nooo, of course there’s more tentacle action to be had! I was then lifted up off the ground and more tentacles came to grab at my ankles to keep me steady. I thought that was it and they just wanted me up in the air but nope, two smaller flower sucking tentacles came over to my chest. I think, you know, where this about to go. Yep, they latched on right at the nips dude. And you wanna know what else, more aphrodisiac. The slime in my mouth had stopped, so they just decided it must go elsewhere. Just like that my chest was hot and I was squirming in the air and my erection became all the more unbearable. They were ruthless! I couldn’t help it, I swear! You try having two sucking plants assault your nips while you’re being hung up in the air and high on aphrodisiacs! And then the unthinkable happened, I was being chest assaulted when suddenly I felt a wet artifice at my ass. 

0-0 x2

I had no warning at all, no even a pause to let me know what was about to go down, before some tentacle just plunged in deep. Really deep, like really really fucking deep. It didn’t hurt though and you wanna know FUCKING WHY? Well turns out the aphrodisiac they’ve been working into my system made my backside get naturally wet and ready. Like a fucking female. THE HERO WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS REALIZATION, OKAY! And then, as though things couldn’t get worse for the 100th time, they of course, did. This wasn’t one of those weird dick tentacles, it was a full on tentacle-tentacle. Suction cups and everything. And one was right on my prostate, suctioning itself onto it with veracious force!

“AaaAAAAAHH! FUCK!” Oh, looks like the gag tentacle has fucked off. Thank god- oh wait a minute England just watched me moan like a needy bitch dog in heat! I suddenly wished that tentacle was back, but opening my eyes again I could see England’s was gone as well and he was just gaping as he watched the show, his big-ben still 14 inches and ready.

“The fuck are they doing to you!?” How nice of him to be concerned.

“They’re, aH, going at my, Uh AH! Prostate, NYahhhahh~ with a SUCTION CUP UH, AH!” This seriously wasn’t fun, and I totally wasn’t enjoying it. I just moaned out to England how this monster was molesting me. I had closed my eyes again while saying that but opening them just a tad England wasn’t grossed out or disgusted like I expected him to be but he was _watching_ with very lust filled eyes. His dick twitched now and again too! “Uh! Don’t watch!” I tried to plead with him, but he just kept on watching me be tentacled! Eventually I could feel that hot feeling in the pit of my stomach, oh the sweet feeling of relief, but nope. It pulled out just as I was about to finish. “Hmmnnn.” I whined. WAIT NOPE, HEROES DON’T WHINE YOU DIDN’T READ ANYTHING OF THE SORT! It pulled out but then the same tentacle that was inside me...latched onto my dick! The thing is, it was wrapped so tightly onto the base I couldn’t come! It pucked my penis as if it was a pickle! Or a twinkie… actually no. A twinkie would just crumble, so yeah, a pickle. But it seriously hurt like a bitch! You try having a suction cup plastered onto your dick! It got the hint though (thank god) and un-cupped its limb from my dick. I was expecting it to be over until I realized it had not yet let me go. Instead, it was bringing me over and in a few seconds I was straddling England and I didn’t even have to move 1 inch because his huge cock was already poking at my entrance. We just looked at each other in awe about what was to inevitably happen and yep, tentacles pushed me down right onto his huge dick. At this point, screw it. Damn it his dick felt good, thick, and hot inside me. I don’t think he cared at this point either because he had the same look of ecstasy I did. We were both too pent up to care anymore. I started moving, up and down as I rode him, and every time I brought my hips down England would snap his up. We were in sync and horny. It was pretty uncomfortable being restrained by the tentacles but fucking is fucking, and we totally forgot Japan had set this up in the first place. 

“Ah! Fuck yes! England! Uh uh uh! Right there!”

“Yeah, ugh, fuck! You like it like that?”

“UHG! HELL YES! AHG! Right there! Yeah! Fuck me there!” God, it was hard to NOT hit someone's prostate when your cock is that huge I guess. The tentacles were also a big annoyance again because it would be a lot harder of a fuck if we could, you know, grab onto each other. It was as if our prayers had been answered, because suddenly there was a purple very sparkly mist all around us.

*cough* *cough* 

“What the fuck?” and just like that there were no more tentacles, in fact, the whole octopus was gone! It was so totally freaky dude! When the mist cleared there was this gross oozing green slime all over the floors and around us. It kinda looked like a bunch of jolly ranchers all melted down. It also smelled like burnt jolly ranchers too. Me and England looked down at all the goo and then back at each other. And then we made out. I wrapped arms around his neck and he grabbed my hips and we just went at it. Drool dripped down our faces and we kept on fucking hard. It was fast and good and god damn it who cares how gay it was, it was the tentacles fault anyway!! >:I

“Fuck, fuck! Ugh, gonna cum!” England shouted. I was bouncing my hips up and down in his lap when all of a sudden he pushes me to the ground and hooks his arms under my waist so we can still keep going at it. 

“Yes! Yes! Ugh! Ah! YEAH OH FUCK ENGLAND!! UUUGGGHHH!” God it was fuckin’ amazing, I wear I’ve never finished that god damn hard in my entire life. I kinda seized a little. I came so hard and England gripped onto my hips hella hard as he finished. Eventually we were just laying there with him on top of me and the entire room is a total mess. 

“...so are you gonna pull out?” 

“Yeah yeah, one minute.” More like five, tired old coot. But he did pull out and it was really, relly fucking disgusting because I could FEEL stuff leak out of my body and it made me really sick to the stomach, or maybe it was the slime from earlier. Either way I had to push him off me and vomit off to the side. Ugh, I have used up too many bodily fluids in one day. It was all glittery and green like the octopus was earlier, ew. “Are you alright?!”

“Yeah...just the slime kinda made me sick.” England looked pretty concerned but he sat up and lifted me up into his lap! “I’m not a baby England, but me dooowwwn.” He just rolled his eyes and held me up against his chest though, it was really warm. We just kinda stayed there with our eyes closed. It was nice and we snuggled and it really felt like something new was created and just as I was gonna ask England about it we heard a click from the corner of the room.

…

Japan taking photos. He looked… happy. And Canada! Oh! I didn’t know he got here! He had a mop and bucket and...WAIT ME AND ENGLAND WERE STILL NAKED!

“THIS ISN’T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!” We shouted at the same time, but Canada still looked physically ill and Japan just smiled that creepy smile he had earlier. 

“Don’t worry America and England, this was planned from the beginning. I hope you liked your surprise!” 

…

“JAAAAPAAAAN!!!!!” 

… no homo though.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, finally done! I'm gonna write more in this series and I wanna write a 2p!Hetalia next but I don't really know how those characters behave so if someone would be so kind and give me a quick runabout on the 2p's personalities it would be greatly appreciated!


End file.
